A friend calls from the States and asks about the latest trends in Nairobi and I tell her about big bums, loop earrings and fake eyelashes.
To begin with, I don’t even know how ladies survive with fake eyelashes! I pluck mine like all the time especially when I’m bored or stressed. Wait, I think it’s a family thing. My sister used to pluck hers as part of the guess work in school. If she plucked one the answer was A, two the answer B, more than four? I wish she was here to answer that. So you can imagine how embarrassed It would be if I pluck them out on a date or in a meeting. In addition to that, my clumsy trait may be me accidentally putting the glue in my eyes or poking them with the tube. So, let me stick to the natural eyelashes for now.
I have accepted the will of God in certain aspects of my life but my feet! That is something I’m yet to come to terms with. You see, I have short ugly feet that lack nails! That means I can’t apply nail polish or wear sandals! If we had feet for a face, then no one would look at me. I repeat no one!
“What do you mean by big behinds? Molly asks cracking up.
“Everyone nowadays seemingly has a big nyash and if not big, it’s somewhere close to that. Even those with a small one make it appear big. It’s almost as if people go somewhere and get plastered with one”
“Is it that serious?” She asks bursting into laughter.
“Yeah it is. You should walk around town and see these ladies. The way some walk…It’s like the big booty comes with a funny walking style to allow for more than just noticing it. Some walk as if they want to leave it behind. Others, you’d mistakenly think they have a vibrator in it because of all the vigorous shaking! Then for a discount; they are offered an extremely ugly attitude, ‘how to’ lessons on how to draw their eyebrows, an appetite for rich guys and a repulsive dress code. Others don’t even wear undies!”
“Oh my goodness! Am dying of laughter right now! I guess I’m missing out on a lot of things. But the undies thingy…why would a lady walk without one or is it because they want to be ready for action just in case?”
“Hell no! That can’t be the reason. I don’t think it even takes long to remove one. And yeah, you are missing out on a lot. Nowadays, I don’t even stare at ass anymore. I think I have seen enough to last me a lifetime. But I bet dudes can never have enough of that”.
“They can’t. You know they are walking hormones and visual creatures too, so…I don’t know why people are obsessed with a big behind anyway! Most girls’ workout to tone and shape their ass, most dudes want ladies with an ass and they seemingly get a lot of likes, followers and attract a lot of attention.”
“Yeah it’s like having a big derriere is the coolest thing in town.”
True. You are saying you don’t look at ass anymore? The man in you will slowly die”
“I doubt if he can. I’ll be giving him a sneak peek once in a while.”
(Trust me you wouldn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation)
Anyway, in my Town or let’s say country, bums are overrated. Ladies who know or have an idea that they have an ass that can be looked at twice, irrespective of how small it is, will walk with their head held high as if they have won a jackpot. You would even think they breathe flavored oxygen. What’s the big deal about having a big behind anyway? Don’t they all perform the same function irrespective of their size?
The society has made it seem as if ladies need to have a small waist, a small stomach and a big booty. Honestly, people have lost the idea of beauty. These days, beauty is all about the physical appearance, the make-up, the dressing code, the style, the shoes, the hair, you name it. But is that the real definition of beauty?
In 2009, American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery revealed that there were more than 5,000 legal buttock lift and implant procedures carried out. The number of illegal treatments? Not yet known.
In Kenya, Ladies have gone to an extent of taking pills, applying certain products, going for surgery, using ARVs, wearing body shapers, eating fatty foods and taking poultry feeds! All that for a big bum or a curvy body. Do they consider how harmful some practices could affect their health? I doubt.
Is the problem peer pressure? The need to be like other people? The trends? Low self-esteem or is it because ladies are getting loads of pressure from men?
I believe that our lives don’t have to revolve around behinds. There is more to life than that and personally am tired of seeing such ladies staggering in town and boasting like the fattened cows of Bashan. I know we always want to look good and glamorous but some things are just too much.
A big caboose can attract a man but it can’t make him stay. If a man decides to cheat, he will go ahead and do it irrespective of your size. If he decides to dump you, he will do exactly that. If he loved you because you were thick and all sexied up, the next time he sees a finer nyash, he will be on his feet ready for the chase again.
In my opinion, I think we don’t have to obsess about big behinds that much. It’s time we started re-learning what beauty is and giving a priority to things that deserve to be prioritized. Some ladies need to start focusing on important issues in life, like being smart, strong, thoughtful, prayerful, kind, considerate and being intelligent rather than being attractive, pretty and purposeless.
Lastly, beauty is beyond the skin, clothes and the physical appearance. Beauty comes from within you.
Society judges people according to how attractive or beautiful they are when in reality, it’s the heart that determines how beautiful or ugly we are. And no matter what you can’t sugar coat or make-up your heart to make it more beautiful and pleasing.
It’s not the size of the butt that matters but the size of the heart.
To those ladies who walk as if they are the first ones to have a big caboose, sit down, be humble. You are neither the first nor will you be the last.